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Ayo, the Aubster's Goin' Out Sad Y'all

I don't usually be doin' this kinda celebrity gossip kinda shit, but yo, the review king's gettin' kinda sick of these wack suckas goin' out like bustas n' pussies, word. I don't mean no harm, but when you be makin' tracks 'bout how you jus' tuck ya napkin in ya shirt cause you "be mobbin' like that" n' talk shit like "a cease and desist is for hoes" the king's gonna be mad disappointed if ya start...uhhh...suing opps. Word.

Of course y'all know I'm talkin' smack 'bout the Marshmallow Messiah hisself, Flake, AKA Drake. Recently since Kendrick Lamar dropped that fire tape, son been actin' more sissy than usual. I ain't frontin' 'bout it neither, I mean son done gone n' discovered new levels of being a pussy that brothas n' sistas ain't EVEN BE KNOWIN' 'BOUT, WORD!!

First, if y'all been followin' the Flake, y'all know Flake's into all that gamblin' ish. Well son was up in some white kiddie's stream a night or two back, jus' wildin' out. I mean, son said "(Kendrick) is gonna need FACTS to take me out". Word, if I got an opp who was talkin' that kinda jazz, I woulda taken that as a STRAIGHT UP DARE, yo, I woulda dropped the whole story 'bout his pussy self.

Then y'all know Kenny dropped the vid for his new track, Squabble Up. If y'all ain't checked it out, do that now. Then today we got this from Champagne Floppy:


Yea. Son actually gonna try n' sue the label company cause nobody playin' his weak, watery mess. Son made diss tracks for sissies an' got kinda pissed that there ain't enough sissies playin' the ish. I don't be knownin' WHY son ain't gettin' play, but maybe it's cause people startin' to see "The Boy" still a boy, nahmean? UMG jus' dissed soke right back thi' b, I mean, yo, this a whole label company son. They ain't gonna be givin' ya warm blankies n milk jus' cause you ain't sellin'. Word.

Quote from UMG: "No amount of contrived and absurd legal arguments in this pre-action submission can mask the fact that fans choose the music they want to hear."

That's right y'all. Son sued the label cause his shit don't sell an' the label basically said "Fuckouttahere sucka" in a whole buncha legal talk.

I'mma keep it real wit y'all cause that's how we rollin round here, word. Drake soundin' like a real sissy. Like son got so used to being the hit boy, he done got cut an' can't handle the heat cause he got soy milk flowin' in his veins. I mean, yo, I been questionin' it for years, but now I'm kinda convinced. Son's got soy milk in his veins. This guy, ya cut him, he cries n bleeds soy milk. Word is bond son, I got this list of the softest rappers for the end of the year postin' n' this suing tip Aubs done hopped on jus' threw son up at the top of the list. 

Imagine if this went down back in the day yo. Imagine if Jay Z went up in court sayin' "Ya honour, Nas done outsold me yo, I wanna sue his ass, b". Nah, brothas woulda been clownin' on Jigga till he went an' got in the car insurance ad business. Brothas n' so called hiphoppahs woulda been out here makin' Reddit posts like "What's the Sissiest Move in Rap?" an' all the otha guys that be scholars online woulda been sayin' "That time Jigga sued Nas bro lmao". And' them armchair bustas woulda called mess right for 1nce, namsayin'?

What be makin' the king laugh ova here is seein' all these Stans for Other Vaginal Option (OVO) out here talkin' shit like "My goat got the right to be in his feelin's, b. Jus' let son cook, he gotta make a new album which is gonna rewrite the game n take us to church an' mess, word homie!" Then when someone asks son why his "goat" is suing, ya get sum talkin' 'bout "Son unbothered b, he jus' goin' through the motions" or worse "Drakey Poo on some 6D chess tip bro, even I ain't knowin' what he's doin'". 

Ayo, y'all crack me up, word. If y'all wanna keep tellin yaselves that, knock yaselves out. I'mma be blastin' GNX an' Damu the Fudgemunk while y'all can ride Drake's jock off into the sunset or sumthin'. I ain't got time for any of y'all stannin' suckers. Summa y'all actin' like this Mr. Softie clone's ya brotha or sumthin'. Like son gonna go cry or sumthin' cause nobody out there battin' an' callin' Kenny names for him. Then ya got posts like these gettin' traction on the Marshmallow Messiah Reddit page. Check this out y'all:

Ayo, miss me wit' that, y'all sum corny suckas, word. This boy ain't Jesus, whatchu smokin'?

All Drake gotta do is jus' get in the booth wit' all this "PROOF". But yo, this Drake we talkin' 'bout. That brotha shoppin' in Sephora n whatnot, that brotha who done gone an' cut off his cornrows cause anotha brotha said the shits were ugly, b. Ain't sayin' they was pretty or anythin', I mean Drake kinda looked dolled up like a chick wit' em, but YO SON. You so insecure you gotta change ova ANOTHA RAPPER INSULTIN' HAIR???
Miss me wit' that, b. Either the Aubster gets in the booth or son's gonna get taken out, word. 

Aight, I'm out y'all. Tomorrow we got that Cube review 'boutta drop, then we got a coupla more albums. Until then,I gotta get me some frickin' sleep. Peace.

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