Hello - Aight, we startin' out smooth on this one. This that kinda beat that's got that butter-smooth vibe. Soft piano and some dope vocal samples, kinda like somethin' Madlib would cook up. It’s just an intro skit, real short, 36 seconds. I’m diggin’ it though. No rating, cause, yo, it's just a skit.
Celine in the Trap - This beat ain't hittin'. Mess is soft as double processed cotton, word. This one o' dem beats tryin' sound like somethin' my man Ka (RIP to tha homie) woulda cooked up, cause it's drumless. But YO, Ka ain't rappin' here! IDK's flow’s a lil’ offbeat, like he ain’t even tryin' to keep time, namsayin'? The hook’s decent, but it ain’t blowin’ my mind. Bars are okay, but son keeps hittin’ the same rhyme over and over with that "-op" rhyme. That’s rookie stuff. Denzel ain't down wit' rappers who's doin' that mess. He closes it off with some solid samples, though that's kinda the DJ's thing.
Beats - 4/10
Lyrics - 5/10
9/20
---
Tiffany ft. Gunna - Aight, Gunna kicks it off. Gunna always up in here wit' these preschooler raps. Son must pick up bars from readin' Dr. Seuss knockoff typa mess in kindagarten, then he goes n' vomits that mess all over a mic. Don't take my word for it, son's literally spittin' PRESCHOOL TOPICS. Check this shit out:
"Bob the Builder, I’m the handyman"
"Laffy Taffy, I’m the Candyman"
Like, huh? Y'all still be watching Bob the Builder at your age son? Get that outta here,b. An' yo, this beat is straight up WACK. What's this beat? Is this supposed to be Afrobeats-inspired? Nah, this sound like summa that Build-A-Bear music. DJ's mad soft for this, the DJ probably the kinda guy who smells like agave, gets cucumber face masks n' crap. This whole thing wack.
Beats - 3/10
Lyrics - 5/10
8/20
---
Kickin' - I'mma keep it real wit' y'all like I always be doin' up in here. This dude legit starts out by whimperin' like a beat up puppy, then he starts screamin' "Can’t touch this!!" Who he think he is, MC Hammer?
Aight, we less than 16 bars in an', man, this is corny! I’m catchin' mad secondhand embarrassment over here for son. Here’s a taste of the kid's cringe:
"Everybody look when I pop out!
I was 16 when I said forget school, now I get a lot of brain for a dropout"
Haha. Sex puns. Real mature, bro. Then he hits us with a desperate attempt to rhyme somethin’ about Kendrick dressin' as Pac. Corny.
"Niggas pop shit till he pops out then pop out
Yeah, you can see Pac now"
Ayo, real talk, b. Other than this ish bein' MAD WACK on the lyric tip, y'all ain't gonna wlak up in here n' tell the Reviewer King that this CRAP ain't a blatant attempt to rhyme about Kendrick in that Tupac fit for his "Pop Out Concert", way back in JUNE. Gimme a break wit' this clout chasing son, word! Suckas like y'all get on my nerves DAYUM!! Y'all rappers talkin' like ya underground like the Devil b, then y'all go shoutin' out mainstream stuff, makin' this cheesy "Cat, hat, rat, bat" rhymin'...y'all need to get a life, son! Miss me wit' y'all fake-ass underground mall music, for real!!
Aight, check this rhyme scheme yo, mad embarrassing;
"She told me hit her on Whatsapp
I looked at the girl like 'What's that?'
And that was the day that a nigga found out that the federal boys can't touch that"
Word is bond y'all, I'm laughing now. How did this mess get approved? Pure kindergarten nursery rhyme lyrics!
The rest of the song is some childish mess, this guy's rapping about money, girls, and running from cops in the worst way. This is some little boy stuff. Get out of here, terrible track.
Beats - 5/10
Lyrics - 2/10
7/20
---
Denim ft. Joey Bada$$ - Just when I’m ‘bout ready to call it all wack, Joey Bada$$ pops outta whateva holes son been hidin' in an' saves the day for IDK before the kid makes a complete spa rap tape or sumthin'. Finally, IDK comes through with some legit bars. Both artists actually brought heat here. Props, this one’s solid.
Beats - 6/10
Lyrics - 6/10
12/20
---
Miles Trumpet - This one got a sweet sample, comin' in nice... until IDK starts singin'. I ain't kiddin' y'all. This corny-ass rapper starts CROONIN'. Son's tryna hit us wit' dem played-out romance bars like, "I feel like you invented it like Edison." Nah, that’s weak for real, man. Leave that mass-produced fake crap in the Barbie aisle. This one soundin' like summa that music y'all be hearin' up in Hallmark romance movies, like, yo, is son breakin' up wit' his chick in Nordstrom Rack or sumthin'? This crap MAD SOFT son. Not it.
 |
| What son be lookin' like probably while recordin' this... |
This kinda crap don't belong in no respectable rap album, son!! Maybe if you was doin' some R&B or sugary pop stuff for the mall ladies, yo, then a brother might vibe wit' it, b. But ON A RAP ALBUM?? A rap album y'all got the balls to be callin' UNDERGROUND? No. Just no. This kinda mess makin' Denzel wanna paint his fingernails purple, word. Ain't got NOTHIN' against a brother rappin' about breakups n' heartbreak mess, but, yo, if you're a man collecting TY Plushies, this kinda track's gonna be your jam. Word.
Beats - 1/10
Lyrics - 2/10
3/20
---
Check - Aight, finally some bass that’s hittin’! Beat goes hard, but man, I'mma take a wild guess here an' say this shit has to be a freestyle ‘cause the lyrics are hella juvenile. IDK, can you rap about somethin’ other than girls and cash? Then son hits us with, "I’m a urinal, don’t try to shit on me." Ayo, son, stop it. You lost me there, word.
Beats - 7/10
Lyrics - 2/10
9/20
Zero points awarded for callin' yaself "The Urinal". My gosh.
---
Papercuts - Nah, son. The Urinal’s back to croonin’ on this track. This crap got mad estrogen on it. This crap be soundin' like some Whitney Houston ballad. Hook sounds like it came outta H&M, weak spa rap AGAIN. The Urinal don’t even sound like he be knowin' what he tryna say, like son jus' makin' up the lotion hook as it squeezes out his pores or sumthin'. This is supposed to be a rap album, whatcha doin' SANGIN' SO MUCH??
Beats - 4/10
Lyrics - 3/10
7/20
---
Switch ft. Conway the Machine - Beat’s okay here, samples are pretty clean. IDK droppin' the usual struggle bars, I don't even be knowin' what son tryna say, but Conway brings it back with a solid verse. Flow tight, lyrics step up. This one’s tolerable. The hook's more of dem cliche struggle bars delivered in this wack lotion flow. Yuck, that hook gonna ruin everything for me, word. Beats soundin' like that "Hereditary" joint JID dropped when son was still tryna figure hisself out. It ain't really bad but ain't really too god neither, nahmean?
Beats - 5/10
Lyrics - 6/10
11/20
---
Supernova ft. The Arti$t - Yo, if you thought this brother was ova the soy-enhanced pop trash hooks, YOU WAS MAD WRONG SON!!! We get this "Bayyyy-beeeee, let’s explode - like a supernovaaaahhh!" This summa that lyrical genius. This anotha Kool Moe Dee, anotha Rakim, anoda Kool G. Rap up in the hood. This anotha Mos Def, anotha, Shakespeare, everybody's fearin' son's pen.
Ehhhhh - no.
Yo, IDK, spare me dem mad wack hooks, howboutdat? Summa the hooks y'all be bringing up in here straight up corny n' softer than my girlfriend's hair. An' that ain't no diss to the Angel, but I ain't wantin' none of my rap soundin' like hair, namsayin'? An' AYO, what the hell's this beat fool!? This here beat soundin' like some bad Kanye leftovers, like summa that stuff he be makin' while high on galaxy gas n' threw out. The Arti$t singin' ain't helpin', either. I don't be knowin' this wack busta, but son came floatin' in on his lil cherub wings puttin' some pink bows n' crap on this. Cheesy mall music vibes, for real.
Beats - 4/10
Lyrics - 2/10
6/20
---
See You Again - Ice Spice done got the lowest grade I've ever handed out to anybody, word. Is you tryna beat that record or what son!?
This is mo' n' mo' of that spa rap stuff. Son, enough with the sangin', if we wanted that, we'da gona n' thrown on The Weeknd, or one a' dem kids that's actually supposed to be sangin' n' croonin' to chicks on their records, word. I’m listenin’ to nursery rhymes here, word. I’m thinkin’ this beat gonna go perfect wit' summa that Cocomelon...throw in dem plastic lookin’ kids holdin’ hands....dayum. Lyrics step up, but that babyfied hook...nah. This the track I'mma play for two year olds, they'll be vibin' to this crap.
Beats - 3/10
Lyrics - 5/10
8/20
---
Goodbi - Good riddance, Urinal. Some techno vibe to close it off. Decent, but I’m done.
---
This was a real headache to be listenin' to, on me. Let's tally up everything:
Final Score:
69/180 - 38%
This tape's gettin' marketed as some "underground hardcore rap". Ain't noways this "underground hardcore rap" in my book, b! This album some soft garbage, softer than teddy bear stuffing. IDK tryna come off hardcore, but it ain’t workin’. It’s like son was up in Sephora buyin' croptops n' handcreams, got inspired while he was hearin' the music play in that joint, then tried to rap along to it. The Urinal was buyin' Neutrogena, heard some Taylor Swift or sumthin' an' his brain says "AYO, I'mma rap like that!!!" Only one worth listenin’ to is that track with Joey Bada$$, and I got a feelin' Joey mighta ghostwrote IDK's part. And don’t even get me started on “Check” with that “urinal” line. What kinda rap is this?
Don’t waste ya cash. If you cop it, use the CD as fabric softener. Toss it in the wash wit' ya clothes, forget 'bout Downy, this'll carry the load for ya. That’s all it’s good for. Aight, I'm out. Catch y’all on the next one. Peace.
Comments
Post a Comment